Apparently some reporter overheard Iman gabbing recently. I wonder if it wasn’t at the Vanity Fair’s Tribeca Film Festival Party. Since then the same three anecdotes have been popping up on gossip sites all over the net. Each farticle* makes a weak attempt to turn a quote from Iman into a news item. Below are each of the quotes, followed by its resultant headline, followed by what I expected Iman must have said when I first read the headline.
“Two weeks ago Alexandria was listening to Hilary Duff songs. David just leaves the room. He thinks she should be listening to underground music.”
Bowie Despairs of Daughter’s Musical Taste
“What do you know, I caught David sobbing wildly with his head in the oven again. He wouldn’t tell me why crying, but I looked at iTunes, and noticed that Lexi had swapped his Arcade Fire playlist with her Hillary Duff playlist. Then it all made sense.”
On Heidi Klum hosting Project Runway in the US: “Definitely Heidi and I come from two different places. I’m not belittling Heidi Klum, but I have been in fashion much more than she has. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been one of the best runway girls. I know clothes, and I know about working hand in hand with designers, I mean, I’ve worked with Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, John Galliano. Yves St Laurent - he created a whole collection for me. Tom Ford, Valentino. Versace. Jean Paul Gaultier. Thierry Mugler… I could go on and on.”Iman Starts War with Klum
“Heidi Klum presents an imminent threat to the safety and security of our nation. She has ignored UN security council resolutions for far too long. Consequently, on the morning of April 28th, 2008, I ordered a surgical air strike on Heidi Klum’s home.”
On hooking up with David: “It took me a while. because, you know, he’s a rock star and you’ve got to be careful with rock stars. I was a huge fan though. I would go to his concerts and there were invitations to see him backstage, but I didn’t do that. I’m not that girl.”Iman Rejected Husband David Bowie’s Charms During Their First Meeting
“Our first date was going well, but then he grabbed a guitar and rearranged the words of China Girl to something like Somali Girl, and I was deeply offending. I grabbed the guitar from him, smashed it on the coffee table and that was that.”
* That’s right, I said farticle. I know it’s not a word. I just made it up. A farticle is a tiny blast of insubstantial, foul-smelling information.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | 1 Comment »According to Reuters, Bowie is considering joining Lisa Kudrow and Liam Aiken in the cast for the upcoming movie “Will.” The movie is a musical dramedy about a popular high-school girl and her outcast classmate who form a rock band for their schools battle of the bands. If it turns out to be true and not sheer rumor like Bowie appearing in Doctor Who then I’ll upgrade this post from the Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up section to the News section. I hope it’s true though - how awesome would it be for Bowie to sing and dance in a new movie! Sadly, I don’t think he’ll put the Labyrinth tights back on, but I’ll be happy with singing and dancing.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »This is pure speculation and rumor among industry people, but the Bromley Times reports that some are wondering whether Bowie will give EMI Records the cold shoulder if they buy Chrysalis and by default own some of Bowie’s early works. Not sure why anyone would speculate about this or how Bowie could even snub them since he is already signed with Columbia Records. But whatever, if it happens you can say you heard it here.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »According to PR Newswire, David Bowie will design a lunchbox to benefit the Food Bank For New York City and The Lunchbox Fund of South Africa. However, the official site for the auction does not list him among the artists who have contributed. I assume the report was an error on the part of PR Newswire.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | 2 Comments »Every Friday night I turn into a squeeing eight-year-old girl when ‘Doctor Who‘ comes on the SciFi channel. Nothing is allowed to distract me lest I turn into a very unhappy eight-year-old girl. So imagine my excitement when I saw a news item in ‘The Sun’ claiming that Bowie would be appearing in an episode of ‘Doctor Who’ as Agatha Christie’s abductor. Then imagine my disappointment when I read on Bowienet that Bowie proclaimed the announcement as “absolute tish and tosh.” Boo! How cool would that have been?! Bowie would have been perfect as an otherwordly kidnapper matching wits with David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time Bowie played that part. NB: Be sure to click on the link to ‘The Sun’ to see an amusing photo collage of David Bowie peering out of the Dalek Supreme casing.
[Brief Update] Dammit, I missed out on making a horrible tin machine pun! I am losing my touch.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »Apparently we Bowie fans keep strange company. Which one of you is up for sitting around with a 1980’s Karl Rove, lounging in track suits, nuking microwave dinners, and listening to David Bowie records? Hell yeah, I know I am.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »Last month we reported that Bowie, Sting and Ivan Kane had picked a location to open their New York City burlesque club, Forty Deuce. The selected building at 19 Kenmare Street was formerly the home of a mobster hangout called Little Charlie’s Clam Bar. Now, according to Downtown Express, a group of neighboorhood residents are looking to put the brakes on the club. They collected 1,200 signatures over a four day period and submitted a petition to the State Liquor Authority on June 19 urging them to deny Forty Deuce a liquor license. Two days later, 20 neighbors attended a Community Board meeting to voice their opinions.
SLA rules prohibit liquor licenses to businesses within 500 feet of churches and schools, and there is a Chinatown Head Start school just a block away from the planned club site. Yet within 500 feet of 19 Kenmare and a proposed side entrance to the club, there are 26 other business sites that already have liquor licenses.
The residents are also suggesting that the club producers have not been completely forthright about the nature of the club. They stated that the original notice submitted by Forty Deuce to the Community Board identified the proposed club as a 3,000 square-foot “lounge bar” with no mention of the burlesque show, and other documentation and news articles have cited the club’s size as 4,500 and 5,500 square-feet. Meanwhile, Kane’s attorney denies the allegation and noted that the burlesque show at the Las Vegas Forty Deuce reveals so little naked skin that no adult entertainment permit is required. Thus far the Community Board has taken no action one way or the other.
Read more about the club on NYMag.com.
Posted in News, Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | 1 Comment »Apparently Lindsay Lohan has completed her 12th step and Paris Hilton has joined a convent, because Iman’s feet were worth discussing on ConcreteLoop.com last month. With a close up of Iman’s feet in heels from the 2007 Can-Do Awards, blogger Angel wrote:
Those dogs above need more than a deep-soak, they need help. I guess all those years on the runway take a toll on the feet. Guess who?! YES, THIS IS AN ACTUAL SHOT OF HER FEET. NO ONE IS MESSING AROUND IN PHOTOSHOP!
Real classy. Normally I would say that gossip this lame isn’t worth repeating, but Iman responded to the insult on her MySpace page by posting a picture of herself and David at the Met’s Annual Costume Institute Gala, writing:
We attended the Met’s Annual Costume institute Gala and i have to say it was amazing … i knew everyone would have a dress on so i decided to wear a suit and david loved it, also decided to cover my feet up as Concreteloop would post up how ugly my feet are (Yes Angela i read your Blogg)
Then Angel, acknowledging her own insignificance, posted a new blog entry titled WOW! IMAN READS CONCRETELOOP! Read this excerpt from her entry, you can actually feel her cowering beneath Iman’s shadow:
After finding out that the legendary Iman is a frequent reader of Concreteloop, I actually feel really bad for clowning her dogs earlier this week. But come on Iman, we had to keep it real! Hilarious! She is such a good sport. And she kept it classy at the gala, those shoes that she rocked were fierce.
I love that Iman got the blogger’s name wrong, too, calling her Angela instead of Angel. If that doesn’t make you feel forgetable.
Maybe this is just the nature of gossip, and we shouldn’t expect anything different, but I really think celebrity gossip has its place. When a star gets drunk, wraps their car around a tree and disrespects their entire family, I think they deserve the embarrassment of the gossip columns telling all. But what did Iman do to deserve this unpleasantry? Wear shoes? How is that ‘keeping it real?’ I think a nice close up of Angel’s own disfigured pedals would be keeping it real.
Posted in Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »Despite the claims of the Iceland Review, David Bowie will not be appearing in Gus Olafsson’s debut film, Cornelius Fly. David himself posted on the BowieNet message board, “This is total b.s. I’ve never heard of it.” Total Blam Blam over at BowieNet speculates that the spurious claim is a publicity stunt, and I agree. Nice try though, Olafsson - maybe you and Richard Branson can get together for a drink and exchange notes.
Posted in News, Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | No Comments »This one is a head-scratcher for me too. This week the Webmaster and I came across two stories about Michael C. Luckman’s Signals to Space Concerts. Luckman plans to hold music festivals in Tokyo, Berlin, New York, China, Russia, Mexico and London and beam the music out into space for extraterrestrial beings to hear. The goal is to make peaceful contact, Voyager 1 and 2-style. No dates, venues, or line-up for the concerts have been determined but Luckman is hoping to sign David Bowie as a headliner along with Sir Paul McCartney, Elton John, The Rolling Stones, Michael Jackson (!?), and Aerosmith.
I’m not sure the point of this concert series. According to Luckman, he and the producer are going to send the music to “targets in our solar systems[sic], including Mars and the moon.” The last time I checked there was not life on Mars (groan groan, I know, horrible pun) nor was there life on the moon. Furthermore, every radio signal that is sent to any receiver on Earth eventually makes it’s way out of the atmosphere and into space. So any extraterrestrial life that is tuning in to our frequencies will already know what we listen to and how much boy bands and poptarts suck. Not to mention that the Voyager satellites already have sound files containing not just music but also general sounds that a person living on Earth might experience in their lifetime. This concert series idea sounds like Luckman is just trying to promote his book that he published two years ago and is trying to enlist all of the living artists he mentioned on it’s pages to help him do so.
Posted in News, Opinions, Rumors, Lies, Stories They Made Up | 1 Comment »