Close your eyes and imagine a world where David Bowie turned down the role of Jareth in Labyrinth. Millions of little girls won’t have their eyes opened to the wonderful world of the male area by Bowie’s tights. Millions of little boys won’t look down at themselves and think, “Am I going to look like that in tight pants when I grow up?” Even more little boys won’t discover that girls aren’t that hot anyway, they’d much rather have what is dancing around onscreen. Labyrinth fanfic sites will never come into being and make gutter-minded Bowie fans blush, giggle, and pick up their jaws off the ground. Global warming will have come and gone and the world will be covered in gigantic glaciers, sleeping through an ice age. Well, that is apparently the world that Graeme Thompson from The Observer wants for us all to live in – a world where Bowie never donned the Jareth tights and hair extensions. Maybe it was a diversion from Bowie’s previous stage personas, but Mr. Thompson does not take into consideration that Bowie was absolutely perfect for the movie and the movie perfect for him. Without him, the movie would have gone the way of Gigli. Mr. Thompson I hope you never obtain a Time Machine. You will make the world a colder, darker, more boring place.

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