Apparently some reporter overheard Iman gabbing recently. I wonder if it wasn’t at the Vanity Fair’s Tribeca Film Festival Party. Since then the same three anecdotes have been popping up on gossip sites all over the net. Each farticle* makes a weak attempt to turn a quote from Iman into a news item. Below are each of the quotes, followed by its resultant headline, followed by what I expected Iman must have said when I first read the headline.

“Two weeks ago Alexandria was listening to Hilary Duff songs. David just leaves the room. He thinks she should be listening to underground music.”

Bowie Despairs of Daughter’s Musical Taste

“What do you know, I caught David sobbing wildly with his head in the oven again. He wouldn’t tell me why crying, but I looked at iTunes, and noticed that Lexi had swapped his Arcade Fire playlist with her Hillary Duff playlist. Then it all made sense.”

On Heidi Klum hosting Project Runway in the US: “Definitely Heidi and I come from two different places. I’m not belittling Heidi Klum, but I have been in fashion much more than she has. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been one of the best runway girls. I know clothes, and I know about working hand in hand with designers, I mean, I’ve worked with Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, John Galliano. Yves St Laurent – he created a whole collection for me. Tom Ford, Valentino. Versace. Jean Paul Gaultier. Thierry Mugler… I could go on and on.”

Iman Starts War with Klum

“Heidi Klum presents an imminent threat to the safety and security of our nation. She has ignored UN security council resolutions for far too long. Consequently, on the morning of April 28th, 2008, I ordered a surgical air strike on Heidi Klum’s home.”

On hooking up with David: “It took me a while. because, you know, he’s a rock star and you’ve got to be careful with rock stars. I was a huge fan though. I would go to his concerts and there were invitations to see him backstage, but I didn’t do that. I’m not that girl.”

Iman Rejected Husband David Bowie’s Charms During Their First Meeting

“Our first date was going well, but then he grabbed a guitar and rearranged the words of China Girl to something like Somali Girl, and I was deeply offending. I grabbed the guitar from him, smashed it on the coffee table and that was that.”

* That’s right, I said farticle. I know it’s not a word. I just made it up. A farticle is a tiny blast of insubstantial, foul-smelling information.

One Response to “What’s Really Happening”

  1. Webmistress Says:

    I have the perfect solution to get Lexi to stop listening to Hillary Duff. Since one can logically assume that she likes the sound of her Daddy’s voice, he can PUT OUT A NEW FREAKING ALBUM!!! 🙂